Can we take a minute to recognize just how strange this stocking ritual is? Aren’t the gifts under the tree enough? Do we really need a secondary gifting occasion right in the middle of Christmas morning?
I’d like to be a fly on the wall for the historical first stocking stuffer:
Hey, guys. I’m gonna hang my socks up over the fireplace and then go to sleep. Before I wake up it’d be dope if you put a bunch of gifts in my socks for me as a surprise. Happy Holidays! ‘Night.
Either way, stockings are pretty great. 😂 So here are some ideas for the guys in your life:
- Canada Goose Beanie: I’m not sure what Canada Goose is up to, but their stuff instantly makes me warm. If your guy lives anywhere near Chicago, put this hat at the top of your list.
- Google Home: This thing changed our lives. It plays us music, tells us jokes and controls our TV. Even Emma has taken to yelling at it. Hey Google! YouTube! Peppa Pig!
- Ralph Lauren Tartan Scarf: Don’t you just hate it when your neck is cold? Like, why do we choose to live in places where our skin can’t be exposed to the air? What are we doing?
- Shinola Watch: Most weekends, I convince the family to walk to Wicker Park. They’re in it for the fresh air and brunch. I’m in it for the Shinola store. Watches fit in stockings, by the way.
- Harry’s Shave Set: Has the guy in your life ever mentioned how much shaving sucks? This is the kind of gift that results in years worth of appreciation. You can win Christmas for $25.
- Vineyard Vines Cap: Emma met the Vineyard Vines whale on Martha’s Vineyard this summer and had a complete meltdown. So I’m asking for this cap to antagonize her.
- Shinola Wallet: I lost my last good wallet in the Taco Bell drive-thru. How does one lose a wallet in a drive-through taco situation? I stayed in the car. I guess I’ll never know.
- Bose Headphones: These headphones are so good at noise cancelling they caused a rift in my marriage for a couple of days because Kelly thought I was ignoring her.
- Apple Watch – This is a purely selfish addition as I (cough) love this watch and (wink) think it would be a great addition to my stocking if anyone I know is still reading this guide. Which they likely aren’t.
- Sonos One: If you follow this blog closely you have have noticed my affinity for Sonos speakers. I’m not sure if they’ll fit in a stocking but if you’re stuck for a gift this is a good place to start.
- J.Crew Oar Stripe Watch: I just like the way this watch looks. All right?!
- Amazon Echo Dot: If you know a dude without a smart speaker in his life, get up on this gift. The Amazon Echo Dot is $25 shipped right now and it does all that cool techy stuff.
- J.Crew Shearling Slippers: Bang bang! These slippers hit all the right stocking notes. Leather. Plaid. Under $50. It’s too easy!
- J.Crew Plaid Boxers: I’ve never purchased underwear for myself. My boxer game relies entirely upon gifts from my mom, which results in quite the blend of Easter, Valentines and Christmas themed boxers. With any luck, this Christmas brings a refresh. If not, I could be in for it.
- J.Crew Wool Gloves: Smart phone gloves don’t work, but these gloves are cool enough to make up for it.
- J.Crew Black Watch Tie: What a ridiculous thing it is to wear a tie. I mean, what are we doing here? I like this one, though. And if I have to wear one, I choose this one.
- J.Crew Cable-Knit Throw: I have a gripe with the throw industry. And don’t get me wrong, I’m down to cuddle on the couch. But why is the standard throw size so freakin’ small? A typical throw roughly covers the area between my belly button and my knees. Consider this a line in the sand. NO MORE SMALL THROWS! Let’s start a movement.
- J.Crew Tartan Luggage Tag: This is a completely unnecessary item. But when you’re Mitch Larkin, you spend a few hours on Friday nights looking for unique ways to inject plaid into your stocking stuffer gift guide. So here we are.
- J.Crew Stewart Bow Tie: Is your guy a bow tie guy? If so, how cool! What is he like? How often does he wear it? Does he want to be my friend? Can he teach me how to tie one? If not, skip to the next line.
- Ray-Ban Wayfarer: Wayfarers are still cool after all these years. Somehow, they just remain cool. How does that work?
- Barbour Newbrough Gloves: And lastly, plaid gloves. Plaid. Gloves.