Mitch here!

Well, you’ve done it again. We’re five days from Christmas and you’ve procrastinated yourself into a corner.

Don’t get me wrong: Christmas shopping is tough! So tough that the whole world saw fit to invent a jolly superhero to make the whole thing believable. Side note: How incredibly frustrating must it be for parents to hand off all gifting credit to a fictional, sleigh-riding, geriatric cookie thief every year?

Global advancements in technology and logistics have made it possible for you to handle Christmas without ever leaving your couch, but somehow you still screwed it up. But have no fear! Father Mitchmas is here to get everyone on that shopping list crossed off. Each of these gifts will be delivered before the big day, assuming you don’t procrastinate your way out of this opportunity, too. ;)

Pop Box Subscription Boxes

Let’s talk realistically. If you’re the kind of person who hasn’t finished shopping yet, you probably won’t even order your presents today. So I’m starting off this guide with 10 gifts you could buy on Christmas morning. Or, again, Christmas evening. (Just being realistic.) Or even New Years! No rush.

Pop Box has a subscription for everyone on your list. They’re reasonably priced and legitimately awesome. This gift was meant to be given by you! They even personalize the card you’ll hand over. And if you’re lucky enough to live in Chicago, they’ll wrap that card up for you. (Dramatization!)

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  1. Mystery Tackle Box: A day spent “drowning worms” is a day well lived. The “MTB” will send you a box of personalized fishing tackle every month and while I don’t claim to be a master angler–though I did catch this monster a few years ago–a gift that reminds me of warm days on the lake, would be quite all right.
  2. Cooper & Kid: This box represents who I want to be as a dad. Inventive activities to learn and grow together… all while requiring no preplanning whatsoever!
  3. Night in Box: Does anyone else feel a wave of relief at the end of the holidays? As we gear up for holiday travel, does the thought of spending a quiet night at home appeal to you at this moment? Break the Netflix mundanity with Night In boxes for date night, kids’ night, moms’ night and more!
  4. Bear & Bud Book Club: As the father of a voracious reader–she literally chews on her books–I see a future when a box of books and engaging activities showing up at the door could cause a spontaneous dance party.
  5. Oars + Alps: Kelly has me running to the pharmacy twice a day to maintain her supply of “products.” Oars + Alps hooks up your guy with the skin regimen he doesn’t even know he needs, and automatically resupplies them with no pharmacy trips necessary!
  6. Pupjoy: I’m not sure if Noodle is enjoying her newfound role of “big sister.” Though Emma gives her sticky fingered, ear-twisting attention all day, I bet Noodle would enjoy a little pampering once in a while. Pupjoy delivers artisanal dog goods to your door according to your schedule and even donates a portion of each order to local animal shelters. The perfect gift for the dog person on your list.
  7. Vinebox: My back hurts from hauling chardonnay bottles home for a certain blogger I know. (Kidding.) It’s time to broaden the palette, people! Vinebox delivers delicious wine tastings from all over the world for $25 a month. Enough said!
  8. Wodbom: Believe it or not, I used to work out… and despite my current appearance, I went a little nuts with it. Odds are you have a gym rat on your list who could deal with a fresh supply of apparel and gear to keep the iron pumping.
  9. Runner Box: It’s tough to see beyond this first behemoth holiday, but just around the corner is prime New Year’s resolution time! If you’re shopping for a runner or–like me–a lapsed runner, this box could be just the thing to get them off the couch.
  10. Moustache: Kelly and I are up to two pots of coffee a day, and with that kind of java intake, you’d think we’d put more thought into our brew. This box seems like it could bust us out of the routine and get us up to three pots.

Quick Shipping Gifts for the Home

I know what you’re thinking! In lieu of a time machine, you have single handedly ruined Christmas. But lucky for you, I’ve collected all the perfect Prime-able gifts under the Amazon sun. And by the way, they’ll wrap them for you too.

As a man who lives in a house I feel uniquely qualified to offer up these home gifts for the holidays. They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach–still not sure how Kelly found her way to mine as she wouldn’t be caught dead in the kitchen–and below you’ll find an expansive list of inventive gifts to help you find your way to his.

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  1. Asobu Portable Cold Brew Coffee Maker: Brewing hot coffee is barbaric. Cold brew is all the rage and this handy little device makes your cold brew even cooler (not colder, you’ll need ice to do that). I’ve never once, not a single time remembered to fill up the coffee machine before I go to bed, but I feel like if I had a coffee brewer this cool I might?
  2. Breville Smart Oven: Kelly blew up our microwave two years ago so we are now a full time toaster oven family. Toast? Pizza? Leftovers? Tea? It all goes into the toaster oven. This Breville takes toasting to the next level with a bunch of cool smart features that result in better food. I’m not sure if it is smart enough to withstand Kelly Larkin in the kitchen though…
  3. Avalon Bay Sous Vide Cooker: The first time I sous vided for Kelly she thought I’d lost my mind. After one perfectly cooked steak bite she requested the same meal the next day. Honestly, any sous vide cooker under $100 is a steal and this one is a must.
  4. Ass Kickin Hot Sauce Challenge Book of Pleasure and Pain: My family is hot sauce obsessed. They challenge each other to sauce eating contests and have even resorted to growing their own peppers when they can’t find anything hot enough. If you have a relative climbing the Scoville scale this gift set could be the perfect thing!
  5. Amazon Prime: We’ve all been touched by Prime. The cozy delight of clicking a button and having a little brown box to look forward to in a few days is worth every single cent. But think of that family member who isn’t Prime blessed, who maybe shares your password on occasion. Don’t be a slimy password sharer. Give that human being the Prime benefits they deserve this holiday season. YOU CAN GIFT PRIME!
  6. Amazon Gift Card: Let’s be honest, no matter the thoughtful tender care put into a gift, there is no way to beat an Amazon gift card.  Amazon gift card is the superhero of the gifting world as it can literally morph into the perfect gift immediately upon unboxing. As a matter of fact, I think I’ll just buy one for myself.
  7. Contigo Travel Mugs: I don’t feel right unless I have a steaming cup of coffee boiling within arms reach for most of the day. These Contigo mugs are an absolute miracle. Not only do they keep coffee hot for an abnormally long period, they also never drip. I’m giving you a no drip guarantee! I shoved a full Contigo into my backpack right next to my laptop and let it bump around on the NYC subway for years. Never dripped!
  8. Casper Mattress: My first mattress as an adult was inflatable. My second was a hand-me-down futon. When it finally came time to buy a mattress I had to ask the sales person for one of the secret reject mattresses in the back room. But no more! You can have a world class, inexpensive and extremely comfortable mattress delivered to your door for free with Casper. They’ll even let you sleep on it (get it?) for 100 days with no obligation. On day 99 if you haven’t made up your mind, just give them a call and they’ll come take it away! Even better, they sell on Amazon now!
  9. Chicago Cutlery Knife Set: Did I include this knife set because it was named after my city? Yup! But they are also high quality knives priced perfectly for a solid holiday gift. See that extra chef’s knife laying there? Straight up included. The last time I used knives this sharp I ended up in the hospital #mitchsgetstitches, so be careful out there!
  10. Cuisinart Portable Tabletop Gas Grill: Now we are talking! Portable table top grill? As a dude with a deck the size of a small end table this little guy is about all the grill I can handle. But if my girl gave me a grill I’d definitely go stand in the back yard and watch my hamburgers burn for an hour.
  11. Amazon Dash Buttons: I know what you’re thinking. Why would I need a physical button hanging in my house to reorder detergent when I have a perfectly good phone in my pocket with the Amazon app installed? You know why? Because they exist! And they are only $4.99 today. If only they made a Dash Button for cases of chardonnay.
  12. Corkcicle Tumbler: In our younger, more reckless years Kelly and I were known to … drink, um , eer ah… “coffee” out of uhh, let’s call them “coffee cups” on late night walks around the city. Now that we’re properly adultified we drink “booze” out of “Corkcicle Tumblers” and no-one is the wiser.
  13. Exotic Meat Crate: There are two things I know. 1: Exotic meat is delicious and 2: If you give exotic meat as a gift, you’ll win Christmas. You’re welcome!
  14. Brother Compact Laser Printer: Printers aren’t gifts, but if they were this would be the one. When I was teaching people would come to me for advice and I would tell them, “I don’t know anything about teaching, but I have the world’s best printer.” Also, I feel like we have all gotten a little blasé about the term laser printer. This thing uses freaking lasers to print stuff. Suck on that Gutenburg.
  15. Grow Your Own Cocktail Garden: I’ve heard the complaints. My guy has no hobbies! All he likes to do is drink with his friends! Well put him to work! Growing a cocktail garden together can foster great appreciation for the natural world and at harvest time you can rejoice in the world’s plentiful bounty before getting ridiculously smashed.
  16. French Coffee & TeaMaker: Them French know their coffee! But who knew you could use a French press for tea?!?! Your guy will know when you buy them this thing.

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17: Harry Barker Gift Set: First of all I’d like to make it clear that I think this brand missed a major opportunity to name themselves “Hairy Barker” but I digress. Dogs don’t know it’s Christmas. They don’t understand the concept of holidays, or seasons, or even days of the week. Dogs simply aren’t on that level. But if you feel compelled to buy your dog a gift I suggest this one. It’ll make you feel better.

18: Instant Pot: If you told 20 year old Mitch about a futuristic product called “Instant Pot” he would’ve had a much different vision from the one you see before you. Nevertheless, this electric pressure cooker changed my life. I use it for like 70% of the meals I cook at home (remember, we have no microwave because Kelly blew it up two years ago).

19: Cottage Birdhouse: My dad is a birder. He doesn’t crawl around the woods with a pair of binoculars spurting out bird calls, but he does run to his window when one of these feathery buggers fly by. The other day while around the bonfire he played an owl call on his phone and in about 5 minutes we were inundated with owls. I had to put Noodle inside! Anyways, birdhouses are great gifts.

20: 5 Pounds of Wild Blueberries: Has it already happened? Is the summer so far gone that 5 pounds of fresh organic blueberries sounds like heaven? Recently we, as a nation, celebrated a meal of ratchet root vegetables made palatable only when covered in gravy. Honestly, if I had 5 pounds of blueberries here right now I’d open up my mouth and pour the whole thing down all over the place.

21: Roadmaster Men’s Bike: Have you ever met someone who can’t ride a bike? Is that a thing? I mean, I know people who can’t swim, but I feel like that might be a false equivalence. Anyways, this bike costs $80 shipped. What are you waiting for?

22: Nest Fragrances Candle: Is there anything better than a seasonally appropriate candle? When I smell our Nest candles my mind is filled with sugar cooking sessions or visits to the Christmas tree farm with Emma. I’d fill my house with candles if it wasn’t for my curious toddler and surprisingly destructive dog.

23: KitchenAid Stand Mixer: Woah buddy. KitchenAid Stand Mixer? I feel starstruck even writing about this thing. We are redoing our kitchen right now. It was literally suggested that I install a small elevator to make my KitchenAid Stand Mixer easier to access. I declined. But this would be a great gift and it’s on sale.

24: Nest Thermostat: Listen, I’ve talked about the Nest thermostat on this site before. I’ve talked about the Nest Thermostat off this site before. I’ve talked about the Nest Thermostat to myself before. Honestly, I think I might be turning into a Nest Thermostat.

25: W&P Design Cheese Knife: How do you know when you are in your thirties? When you are advocating on the internet that people buy a cool looking cheese knife.

26: Philips Digital Airfyer: We’ve all had those moments when we deep fat fry our food too often and the doctor sends you home in an ambulance. But thanks to some nifty technology we can now fry our foods with air or something and not die as often!

27: Masterbuilt Electric Smoker: How do I put this? Your guy likes to watch meat slowly cook in the backyard. It’s just true. Honestly, don’t deprive him. Here I have a machine that can be plugged into a wall, stuffed full of meat and then watched for hours and hours. Honestly, cancel the Netflix. He has meat now.

28: Beverage Chilling Stones: Again, if 20 year old Mitch could weigh in here “stoning your beverage” would have a completely different meaning.

29: Woodchuck Wooden Flask: And this is 33 year old Mitch speaking. Drinks, wood and flasks are exactly what I’m looking for this holiday. I want to put my drink in a wooden flask. I bet your guy does too.

30: Cast Iron Skillet Set: Everyone I know cooks on cast iron. They proudly display their perfectly glistening “seasoned” skillets on the stove top because it is just too useful to put away. Their skillet is so seasoned you can scramble an egg without a spatula.

31: Russell Hobbs Electric Kettle – A watched pot never boils and if you’re like me an unwatched pot boils so bad it sets the smoke alarm off.

Mitch out!