Mitch here!
A lot of you have been asking (đ) about my salad routine (jokes), so here it is! Believe it or not, in my old age, I now actually eat the spring mix in my fridge instead of just waiting a week and throwing it away like Mitch in his 20s did.
Todayâs post piggybacks off my recent Intermittent Fasting exposĂ©. In that post, I described in excruciating detailâsorryâhow I recently discovered that I wasnât taking care of myself and how Iâm using every lazy technique I can find to remedy that fact. For example, I now only eat at meals, and as you might imagine, I eat salads and stuff. A wise waiter once told me that any salad on the menu is likely healthier than the rest of the crap they serve, and Iâve taken that lesson to heart.
So with exactly zero research beyond that one conversation I had with a waiter roughly a decade ago, Iâve embarked on an everyday lunch salad crusade. Salads are probably healthy: theyâre edible, empty the fridge, eventually make you full and probably contain nutrients and stuff Iâm not sure I havenât really looked into it. Also, in my experience, a-salad-a-day diet offers a unique ability to eat literally anything else you want at any other time because Iâm making healthy choices and lay off me IâM STARVING.
[Kelly here. Mitch, whatâs going on here? When did you write this post? Saturday night after those three glasses of wine? đ ContinueâŠ]
It takes fervent dedication to eat a salad every day. I should know because I do, in fact, salad daily. And sometimes I even enjoy it. Iâve found that by both making my salads ridiculously large and filling them with a variety of regular foods, it helps to ease the pain. This particular Mitch Salad involves an apple, cheese, two stalks of celery, salami, a green pepper, cucumber, avocado, bacon, chickpeas, leftover chicken and too much dressing. Itâs like that Mary Poppins song but instead of a spoonful of sugar itâs a gallon of ranch dressing that makes the salad go down.
Iâm willing to admit that my salad habit might be getting out of control as I canât find an appropriate dish to house the thing when I lay down to eat it. All the bowls we have are too small, the plates are too flat, and when I eat it out of a pint glass I look ridiculous. Am I the only one salading out here? I mean come on.
As the resident Salad King in my parts, Iâd like to do you one last salad solid. Season your salad. Salt, pepper, oregano, bacon bits, herbs with an accentuated âhâ sound. Put all that stuff right on the salad. We season everything else in our lives like crazy, but not salads⊠and then we complain about how bland salad is. Thatâs salad hypocrisy. It just is.
[Kelly: I have no words. I love you, but this may be your last post⊠đ Oh my god. Thatâs what you want, isnât it? Iâve been played.]
Itâs about time for me to wind down this salad post as I need to go into the kitchen to chop vegetables and eat them because thatâs what I do now. Keep an eye out for future posts when I forgo the indulgence of spring mix and eat grass from the park or maybe even straw if I can find an organic, farm-to-table, ethically sourced straw supplier.
Mitch. OUT!
[Kelly: YOU DIDNâT EVEN INCLUDE A RECIPE. Omg.]