Mitch has a post going live today, too! Check back later for it. :)
Navy and White Striped Dress (Runs a little big. I’m wearing the XS here.) / Everlane Bridge Sandals c/o (Back in stock! Order now before they sell out.) / Lisi Lerch Earrings c/o (Similar here at Nordstrom) / Lilly Pulitzer Bag / Monica Vinader Bracelet c/o / Sunglasses / Emma’s Jack Rogers / Emma’s Lilly Pulitzer Shift
Mitch and I get asked this question a lot.
So today, I’m teaming up with Emily from Isn’t That Charming for our weekly Motherhood Series to talk about how many children we think we want to have. Be sure to read her post! I adore Em and Doug, and have a feeling their answer is going to be a bit different than ours. ;) Though I could totally be wrong!
How Many Children Do You Want to Have?
Anyway, here’s the short answer for Mitch and me: we don’t know.
Here’s the long answer: Probably two, though we’d be completely happy with just one. But who knows? What if we do have two and then feel like there’s still someone missing? Then… three? WHAT IF WE HAVE TWINS OR TRIPLETS NEXT?!
Let me explain, as there are some factors at play here.
Infertility
We experienced great difficulty in getting and staying pregnant, and this took quite the emotional toll on me. To be very honest, I’m just not ready to go through the treatments again and potentially experience great loss. It’s extremely daunting, especially with a one-year-old in tow. My thought is that because I now have Emma, I might actually have an easier time with the whole process. And my hope is that if we do suffer additional miscarriages, that they won’t be quite as painful as they were pre-Emma. But I realize this may be naïve… which is why I’m scared. At the same time, I’m so incredibly grateful that I have my Emma, and realize that it might not happen for us again. When I got pregnant with her, I thanked the heavens above and swore up and down that if I could have only one child, that I’d be just fine with that. And I still feel that way.
City lifestyle
Mitch and I both agree that we always want to live in the city. This surprises most people, and we fully recognize that not moving to the suburbs or countryside at some point is a little different. Yes, there are parts of life that are a bit more difficult and inconvenient, and we have to be really good about budgeting. But we’re personally happiest in the city, and we both think we’re going to be better parents because of that. We also love that our urban lifestyle is going to provide our kids with some pretty awesome opportunities and expose them to great diversity. (Not that we wouldn’t be able to get that elsewhere in the country; we just lucked out with our particular situation and don’t want to give it up.) That said, life in the city can be fast-paced and hectic. I’m not sure we could handle more than two children here. I only have two hands! If I had three kids and needed to cross the street and Mitch wasn’t there to help, what would I do?! A silly example, but I hope you catch my drift.
Finances
Life in Chicago is far less expensive than life in New York was, but it’s still pricey. And we don’t want to spend our lives worrying about finances. It’s a little sad that money can often determine how many children one has, but the reality of the situation is that living an urban life usually means having far less space… and fewer bedrooms. We think that having two kids will be doable in our home, but more than that? We’re not sure. (I guess that’s one reason why people leave the city, haha!) We talk about maybe upgrading to a larger home one day, but we don’t want to leave the neighborhood and we’re not in the position to do that yet. So we’ll see.
I think that just about sums it up:
We’ll see. Maybe life throws us a curveball and we get pregnant tomorrow with triplets. Maybe, in a few years, we decide we can’t take city life anymore. Or maybe we win the lottery. ;) Whatever the case, I love that life is full of surprises, and that at this point, we just don’t know.
What are your thoughts on this? Even if you don’t have children already, do you have an idea of how many you might want to have one day? (If any!)
Shop the post:
Navy and White Striped Dress (Runs a little big. I’m wearing the XS here.) / Everlane Sandals c/o (Back in stock! Order now before they sell out.) / Lisi Lerch Earrings c/o (Similar here at Nordstrom) / Lilly Pulitzer Bag / Monica Vinader Bracelet c/o / Sunglasses / Emma’s Jack Rogers / Emma’s Lilly Pulitzer Shift
it’s SO REFRESHING to read that another couple loves living in the city and wants to stay and raise their family there. My fiance and I will never leave the city, and when people ask where we want to raise a family and we say uh, not sure we want kids, and we’re staying in the city, people look at me like I have two heads. “But but but! The space!! A yard!! A Garage??!” and I’m always like…yeah ok I don’t need/necessarily want those things…? I don’t need a massive house? I don’t know, I’m feeling very frustrated that people keep acting like I’m making a big mistake by staying in the city….why wouldn’t you want to? Culture, things to do, WALKABILITY…restaurants, just, life. There’s no life in suburbs that isn’t a big box store…I just don’t get it. I think people want to validate that their choice to move to the suburbs was a good idea, so when they talk to someone that challenges that they just can’t process it. Anyway…I loved reading this post, thanks so much for sharing this!!! I’m so glad to know that other people love city living :)
I love reading your perspective on this! My husband and I don’t have any children yet and area hoping to wait about another year or so before we try. The number of kids we want is definitely something we think about often. I come from a family 6 kids (oldest child) and he comes from a family of 2 kids (youngest child) so we have very different family experiences. Luckily I think we both agree that 2-3 would be a great number but we will see where life takes us. He is currently in medical school so we know we will be moving within the next few years and don’t know where we will end up, so there are a lot of factors for us :)
Thanks for sharing!!
Taylor | http://www.livingtaylored.com
Love your outfit and these photos! Lake Michigan is so beautiful, and Chicago is an awesome backdrop. We’re thinking two kids also, but sometimes God has other plans- so who knows?! Family planning can be exciting. :)
We have 3 bio kids and want to adopt a 4th. I read some articles and books about the orphan crisis, and they said only 1% will be adopted. Even though it will be a lot on me, I feel so guilty not doing something about it when we can. We lived in Boston and then moved to the burbs for a yard and so our kids could play in nature. Not our favorite, but the kids love it and it is amazing always having a free place to park! Also, your hair post was very brave. The same thing happens to me after pregnancy. The best thing I did was to cut it a little below the shoulder with layers and then use spoolies to get some heat free waves. My hair looks thinnest when straight.
I grew up in Lincoln Park and I am so thankful everyday my parents decided to stay in the city. While I know at times they considered the suburbs for space, cost, etc., they could never convince themselves it was worth it – and I agree! While my sister and I used to wish we had a back yard growing up, I realize the memories I have playing in my gang way or alley are memories I cherish. My parents did renovate their house (we used to live in a duplex and converted it to a single family home eventually) for a little more space, so there are definitely options for you in the future! When or if I have kids, I hope to stay in Lincoln Park or somewhere in the city so it’s awesome reading you and Mitch navigate the city parenting life!
Oh Kelly! This Kellie so understands that answer!
When my husband I got married we both said “3” was our magic number… we meant we would have 3 children. But that “3” became us 2 + 1 little one.
After working very hard to get VERY healthy (I’m a type 1 diabetic) and to the point of “ready to conceive”…it took a year. Then I had two losses, there went another year. The third time WAS a charm for us and we have a healthy almost 13 year old daughter (who begs almost daily for a sibling!)
We are happy with our one child/one dog family. My health has always been a concern (I’m healthy…but I’m a high risk), and honestly, I felt so complete once we had our daughter. My husband would LOVE more, but it’s just not a reality from a health — and now age standpoint. There never seemed to be a “right” time to have another — I was always having too much fun or too busy with our daughter to think of adding more to the mix. And in my situation, it HAS to be planned.
Then yes, there’s the finances. We have a small suburban home — we’d have to move.
I’ve changed jobs since my daughter was born and the insurance and maternity leave is NOT near how wonderful it was years ago. It would cost roughly $5,000 to do it again, compared to $115 (yes that’s one hundred fifteen dollars total in medical care) that it was the first time, plus my salary that would not be 100% on leave as it was before.
It’s NOT an easy decision…but you’ll feel what is right for you, and it IS about you and YOUR little family. No one elses. My parents have ONE grandchild. My inlaws have ONE granddaughter. They both thought there would be more from us, but we’re happy and thankful for what we have! :-)
I have two little ones already (2 and 12 weeks) and hope to have more. I come from a family of 3 kids and liked that. My husband’s answer is: I want to sit at our table and have every seat full. We’ll see what comes our way, but even when our most recent baby was born, we knew we wanted more! And we live in the city too – Boston!
I have one child, Jenna (now 28 years old) and that was enough for me. When she was about a year old, I thought about another, but never wanted it bad enough to follow through. And I still don’t regret my decision. Sometimes Jenna wishes she had a sibling, but overall she’s content being the only one.
It took me about three years after my son was born to be ready to try for another child. My son had health issues from infancy, and it took an emotional toll. After that, it took another year+ to get pregnant and stay pregnant, so my two kids are 5 years apart. I’m grateful to be their mom, and I’m glad that they have each other! But after my second one was born, I knew with certainty that my family was complete. 8 years later, no regrets.
The number of children is a very person decision. We knew we wanted two, so when our youngest was 13 months old we started fertility treatment again, mostly because we didn’t know if it would take one month or two years. (We did not have problems staying pregnant.) Well…our boys are 22 months apart and we love it. We also knew we could have had multiples with our second pregnancy, so that is always something to consider. Relish in your sweet girl and the decision will come naturally!
I feel similarly regarding not wanting to leave the city! I thought I wanted three or four kids but now I’m thinking two. I’d love to stay in Chicago but it’s hard to find an affordable place that could comfortably fit a big family. Two seems like it could work. My husband wants the big yard and house. We both agree that we’d like to be in a good school district so we’ll see how we end up compromising. For now we’re just renting and hopefully we can stick it out in the city for a while! But after recently having had my first baby I’m definitely just focusing on one kid for now!
I just got married four weeks ago and have a feeling it won’t be long before we get the “when are you having kids” question. My husband and I both come from families of two, and we always said we wanted two. And then over the last year we’re like “we can barely afford living just the two of us, how are we going to afford children? And all those expenses? And a house?” So we’re thinking most likely just one eventually. YEARS from now. But twins do run in my family and I have a great fear of having one then getting twins on the second try. And as cliche as it is, we want the house in the suburbs. I want a big yard with a pool and TONS of space to have friends and family over and entertain. We like visiting Chicago for the weekend to visit friends, but we’re just not city people. My husband grew up working on his family’s 1500 acre farm that’s been in his family for four generations. Getting him to agree to the suburbs was hard enough ;) After the last year and everything that’s happened to us I’ve kind of just thrown my hands up and said “we’ll see, one day at a time” so who knows :)