Third Trimester Recap: The Emotions

third trimester pregnancy symptoms

Original post here // Outfit details: Vineyard Vines Tunic c/o (VV is also carried at Nordstrom!) / Paige Jeans (Crop version here; maternity version here. Zappos also carries a great selection!) / Julie Brown Designs Clutch c/o / Jack Rogers Wedges c/o — On sale! / J.Crew Bracelet /Similar Sunglasses

Well, my due date is on Thursday. Oh my goodness. Which is why I thought I should probably get this post up as quickly as possible. ;) If you read my last two pregnancy recaps–the one on the first trimester and the one on the second trimester–a lot has changed.

For me, the third trimester has been emotional. Yes, I can go from being super happy to ridiculously worried and upset at the drop of a hat… but it’s more than that.

There’s just so much going on and so much about to change and so much that’s unknown. It’s a little (little) bit like graduating from college. You have a full course load and need to focus on that, but at the same time, you have a zillion senior activities and graduation-related events you need (and want!) to attend, too. And then there’s your relationship and your friends (how will all that change?), and the fact that you don’t have a job lined up yet. (Or maybe you do, and you feel vastly unprepared for it.) You’re excited to be done with college and excited about the next phase, but you’re pretty terrified as well. What if you can’t hack it?!

PANIC.

Of course, having a baby is a little different. ;) Still, it’s moving from one life phase to the next, and that can be overwhelming. So today, I’m going to dive into the crazy emotions I’ve been experiencing, and save the physical symptoms for another day. Here we go:

Vineyard-Vines-Caribbean-Floral-Maxi-Dress-54

Original post here // Outfit details: Vineyard Vines Maxi c/o (Other VV maxis here; you can also shop Vineyard Vines at Nordstrom) / Jack Rogers Sandals (Also love these and these!) / Vera Bradley Backpackc/o (Also available at Zappos) / Moon and Lola Pearl Earrings c/o / Similar Sunglasses /Monica Vinader Bracelet c/o

The Emotions

Excitement

I really can’t explain just how excited I am. I am about to have a baby! It’s so surreal that I’m almost in a state of disbelief. I can’t wait to hold the baby in my arms for the first time, see Mitch with him or her, and watch our families meet their newest member. I’m excited to start a family, be a mom, and love our little one with everything I have. How did I get so lucky?

Annoyance

I do NOT want to be pregnant anymore! Seriously, why has this gone on for as long as it has?! The heat and humidity has been a killer, making it really difficult to walk around the city–my favorite thing to do with Mitch. And then there are all the other physical symptoms, which I’ll get to in my next post. I’ll admit that this is an exaggeration, but everything hurts and sleeping is next to impossible. I can’t even remember what it’s like to not be pregnant!

Love

I’m bursting with love! I love my husband, my family and my friends. I love you guys. I love my neighborhood, my life, and my job. And I love the baby. Similarly, I feel loved myself, too. Everyone has just been so kind to me! At times, being pregnant feels like I’m on one long Kairos retreat. (Any other Catholic school kids out there?)

Admittedly, I don’t feel an incredible connection to the little boy or girl in my belly quite yet. Maybe because I don’t know the sex? Or maybe it’s something everyone struggles with, since you can only feel the baby at this point? I’m not sure. Still, there’s an enormous amount of love there. And I know that the love and connection I’ll feel when I finally have him or her in my arms will be unimaginable. I can’t wait to meet you, Baby Larkin!

Fear

Can I just be honest here for a second? Childbirth scares me, and it has since I first learned about it as a kid and saw depictions of it on TV and in movies. Yes, I realize that those are dramatizations, and no, I wouldn’t say I’m freaking out here. Deep down, I know I can handle it. But still. It’s nerve-wracking not knowing how everything will go.

I tried really hard to only talk to my sister-in-law and good friend here in Chicago about it, as they both have great heads on their shoulders, are honest, and don’t embellish for the sake of a good story. (My SIL sat me down and walked me through what the day will probably be like, and paused every few minutes to ask me what I was thinking, and then explained more in depth why I didn’t have to be afraid. It was awesome.) However, that hasn’t stopped others–including so many strangers!–from telling me horror stories. I’ve actually said on multiple occasions, “Please stop! Trying to stay level-headed and prevent a freakout.” But they keep going. I get it. People want to talk about and share one of the most significant days–if not the most significant day–of their lives, especially if their experiences were rough. But please! Talk about and share those traumatic experiences after I have the baby. ;)

That said, I’ve definitely started to feel better about the whole thing over the last few weeks. Honestly, it’s probably because I’m just about done with being pregnant, and I’m ready. I truly hope I go into labor right now. Bring it! (Except, like, nothing too crazy. Let’s make this a manageable one, haha.)

Anxiety

SO MUCH ANXIETY. (And unrelated to childbirth!)

There’s anxiety about being a good mother. And dropping the baby. And whether I’ll get the hang of breast feeding. And if anyone will ever sleep again. And healing. And whether I’ll have the chance to vacuum before I leave for the hospital. (I know. I’m nuts.) And if we do, in fact, have a spacious enough home for kids. And whether everything will be set up and clean and ready when the day comes. And how Noodle will handle everything. And if I’ll still be able to see my friends. And hold down a job. And make my baby smile. And change his or her diaper at the right time. And dress him or her so that he or she is comfortable. And whether the baby will lose too much weight in the beginning. And if he or she will be happy. And feel loved. And safe. And comforted. And what if I can’t stop the baby from crying? And what if… okay. I’m stopping. The bottom line is that EVERYTHING races through my head, and it’s exhausting! ;)

Euphoria

Sometimes I’m in complete amazement of my body. I can’t believe that it’s doing what it’s doing, and I almost feel like I have magic powers as a result. If I can grow a human, I can do anything, right?!

Restlessness & Boredom

Don’t get me wrong: I have a ton to do. I’m nesting like crazy, and I’m spending SO much time getting the house ready. I also have a lot of freelance and blog-related work that keeps me busy throughout my days at home. Still, I’m restless and bored. I’m tired of waiting, and because I don’t know when it’s happening, I’m getting antsy and anxious. While Mitch and I try really hard to get out several times throughout the day, I just feel like we’re always doing the same things because I’m so limited. Definitely can’t wait for change!

Peacefulness

At the same time, I often feel very at peace. I realize what’s important now that I’m about to have a child and start my family, and my head feels clearer as a result. Little things that used to bother me don’t anymore, and–I guess I’d say that there’s more clarity. :)

Gratitude

It’s impossible to convey just how grateful I am for this baby. For the longest time, I thought children weren’t in the cards for us. And now, we’re about to have a baby. I’m grateful to Mitch, to my doctors, to my family, to my friends, and to you for the love and support that’ve been showered over the last nine months. Besides marrying Mitch, this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I’m beyond thankful.

If you’ve been pregnant before, can you identify?

Up Next:

Third Trimester Recap: Physical Symptoms

  • mckenzie fussell

    I can’t believe your due date is Sunday!!!!! You’ve got this, Kelly! Excited for your little family to grow. // McKenzie @ SomethingSouthernBlog.com

    • Awww thank you, McKenzie! :) I can’t believe it either… You’re the sweetest! <3

  • Sara Mendoza

    It will all fall into place, I too freaked out but with a baby you have to let everything go, if you have a messy house then so be it, you will just want to focus on you and baby for a good 3 weeks before you will want to get some normalcy back. It’s going to be great!

    • THANK YOU for this, Sara! Why is it so hard to let go? I want to be in control of everything, but having a baby pretty much calls for the opposite. The thing I need to let go the most is vacuuming. It’s the weirdest thing, haha. I am OBSESSED with having our rugs in perfect condition for when my parents and in-laws arrive. I’m legit crazy, haha. Mitch is being so good about the rug thing but I can tell he thinks I’ve gone off the deep end, hahaha!! Thanks again, Girl!

  • SO excited for you, Kelly! Sending good thoughts and well wishes your way this week. :)

  • Christina, Esq.

    Congrats!!!! Im due with my second this January, and my first just turned 5. I am as worried and crazed as I was the first time and at times I wonder why i thought I can do this again! lol. I am angry, sad, happy and insane all in the span of 15 minutes some days. Just be as calm as possible you will be amazing. Good Luck! xoxo

    • AH! This makes me feel a lot better. :) “Worried and crazed” is exactly how I’d describe myself right now. All the emotions at once, and to make matters worse, I can’t sleep. (Are you sleeping?! When are you due?!) Crossing my fingers I don’t go TOO far past my due date! Thinking of you!!! xoxo!

      • Christina, Esq.

        Im due Jan 13th- and I just moved from New York to Connecticut, where I dont know a sole, but we are closer to my husbands family, and its better here to raise our son (and baby to be). I remember reading your posts when you moved to Chicago from NY, I had no idea how hard it was to make this kind of move! The hormones arent helping :) Sleep is awful at the end, but it prepares you for the baby :) My 5 year old wakes me by dawn most days so you just get used to it I think!

      • Christina, Esq.

        Im due Jan 13th- and I just moved from New York to Connecticut, where I dont know a sole, but we are closer to my husbands family, and its better here to raise our son (and baby to be). I remember reading your posts when you moved to Chicago from NY, I had no idea how hard it was to make this kind of move! The hormones arent helping :) Sleep is awful at the end, but it prepares you for the baby :) My 5 year old wakes me by dawn most days so you just get used to it I think!

  • Meghan Keleher

    My son was born just this past November and I remember these feelings SO well. I felt guilty for feeling any kind of resentment about being pregnant because my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and I was so grateful that we got pregnant again. Still, I was tired and miserable and beyond ready to meet him, but also worried that I wasn’t going to be a good mother. My friends with kids gave me the best advice: if you’re worrying about being a good mother, that means you’re already a good mother. :) I’m so excited for the next chapter of your lives. Best wishes to you all!

  • Sarah Trinidad

    I just had such a big smile reading this. Our baby girl, who we waited to know the gender too, is about to be four months and I thought ALL OF THESE THINGS! I didn’t know how I’d know what diaper size to choose or how to make sure she was wearing the right stuff. But it’s so so amazing how you just turn it all on and become a mom in an instant once they’re born. I am new to your blog but I am so excited for what’s to come for you and your family. It’s tiring, trying, thrilling work. The best of times.

  • Renee

    You are not alone! I feel all these exact things and I still have 10 weeks to go! I’m trying so hard not to get too anxious about all the things that need to be done, but anxiety is in my nature so it’s hard to keep that beast in check! Lol! So much of it is preparing and so much of it is “wait and see how it goes.” I’m sure you’ll be a wonderful mom and everything will be in order on that day, and if you don’t get a chance to vacuum and your delivery goes as smooth as can be, that’s a huge win! Btw…we bought a Roomba for that exact reason!😂 It vacuums for me! Best of luck girl!

  • I really admire you for documenting your emotions, and for being real about how it is a complicated time. Can’t wait to follow you in this next chapter!

  • OMG KAIROS I AM HAVING MAJOR FLASHBACKS NOW!!! Also, Kelly, you’re going to be a great mom. I don’t have children but I do know that someone who is so full of love is going to be so, so good at raising a kiddo. And you’ve got a great partner! Hang in there, and call if you need someone to bring you ice cream ;)

  • Susan

    This whole pregnancy thing is crazy. You’re going to do amazing, your birth with be as individual as you. Your baby needs so little when he or she arrives and no doubt, you and Mitch are more than up for the challenge. Having a strong, loving and supportive cirlce of family and friends can get you through anything! You’ve got this girl!

  • Ahhhhh sososososososo closeeeeee girlfriendddddd!

  • I think this is such an honest post and as a person who has yet to have a child, I appreciate it. I feel like so many women in my life make the whole childbirth experience sounds almost blissful and I like that you express a viewpoint of pregnancy from all sides.

    -Maggie http://www.thatgirlmags.com

  • Happy Due Date Kelly!!!!! You are going to be an amazing mother and I’m keeping you in my thoughts and wishing you guys an easy, incredible and magical delivery (if it hasn’t happened already!)

  • That Kairos reference definitely took me back! We totally had rubber bracelets made that said “Live the Fourth” haha!

    I am not pregnant and not currently “trying” but this post totally resonates with me because over the past few months as we’ve been trying to decide if it is that time to start “trying”, tons of these thoughts have been racing through my mind! Sometimes I’m all about it and other times I am terrified out of my freaking mind. It’s amazing just how many feelings we as women are able to entertain at once haha!!

    Hope the days go quickly for you and that baby Larkin arrives in all his or her shining glory soon!!!

  • Kelly Clark

    Kelly – I am so excited for you & Mitch!! You two are going to be amazing parents! I can picture how cute the pics of Baby Larkin and Noodle will be already! :-)

  • HA! Kairos… oh, the memories! But what a great feeling to have! Can’t wait to see the baby… and hear the name! You and Mitch are going to be incredible parents… I can just tell!