If I ever ran for public office it would be on a two-issue platform:
- The Super Bowl should be on a Saturday.
- Daylight Savings Time makes no sense.
Let me clarify:
Daylight Savings Time makes SO MUCH sense. Shifting our clocks to afford an extra hour of sunlight in the evening is a solid idea, but why not hook everyone up with that extra hour in the winter when we need it most? Basically, we should switch to Daylight Savings Time this weekend and stay there forever.
I’ve never entered a spring feeling so uneasy. A week of 70-degree days in February? Flowers blooming in early March? I suspect that this Chicago winter isn’t done with us yet, as six inches of snow has fallen in the time that I first started writing this. (I got distracted by “This is Us,” okay?) So in an attempt to put up the least timely post in the history of fashion blogging, I present to you:
Mitch’s Winter Fashion Guide
Here’s what I can’t live without:
Do people really take their coats to the dry cleaner? I mean, I get it. We wear these things every single day, and to be honest, mine’s in pretty bad shape by this time of year. But my thought is this: doesn’t hanging it in a closet between the months of like April to November clean it? No?
It took me two solid years to find my winter coat. The Woolrich Mountain Parka is the first piece I found with the right blend of style, warmth, navy-ness and that subtle lumberjack vibe. I kid you not: I’ve been stopped on the street about this coat.
Sir! Your coat!? Can I . . . touch it? Try it on?! Give you money in exchange for it? Be your friend?
Nearly every other coat I came across was either a thin layer of felt or had this weird shiny interior lining perfect for a European DJ–but not exactly suitable for a chilly middle school math teacher.
Over the last few weeks, after months of separation, I pulled out my Barbour because it was much too warm for my marshmallow coat. And then I found a five-dollar bill in the pocket. (Really.) There is no greater joy! What kind of foolish boob was I in the fall leaving five bucks in my pocket like I was Rich Uncle Pennybags? Oh, to be young.
Ralph Lauren Oxfords
I’ll be frank: I’m between sizes. Is that not the worst place to be in? Nothing. Fits. My size is “Large Before Washing” and “Extra Large After 10 Washes.” The shirt that fits me best is the shirt in the back of my dad’s closet, for whatever reason. (Apparently there were more of us walking around back in the day.) My size is perfectly described by this Spoon song.
Ralph Lauren oxfords actually fit me, though. And they don’t look weird if they’re pulled from the bottom of the pile and are all wrinkly.
Kelly weighing in here. Yes they do, Mitch. Just hang up your clothing!
They even look great after five wears… if they’re pressed at the dry cleaner. (Happy, Kelly?) People ask if I’ve lost weight when I wear these shirts. (Never have.) They’re so nice that I wear ’em until the collar falls off, or until they miraculously disappear. (I wonder who’s taking them…) I never thought I’d be the kind of guy who owned a 90-dollar shirt, yet here I am. All I can say is OUTLETS!
My denim game is weak. I have two pairs of jeans and my good pair is currently lost. So really, I have one pair of jeans, and it has holes in the knees and a huge hole in the crotch. I’m not allowed to wear this pair in public. I can feel myself drifting towards the land of “dad jeans,” people. I just need like three “fully crotched” pairs of jeans in my bottom drawer right quick. (And yes: Kelly’s attempted to buy ’em for me. I’ve hated every pair. I’m desperate, but I have high standards, and while my wife tries, she just can’t meet them. They need to be perfect yet cost like $15.)
L.L. Bean Duck Boots
I’m almost ashamed to admit how much I love these boots. They cost over $100, which is more money than I ever considered spending on shoes, but they’re waterproof. Like, actually waterproof. They’re also so comfortable that I wear them on days when it isn’t snowy or raining. Finally, they’re easy to put on. Heck, I leave them by the front door for Noodle walks. One last thing to say:they’re so great that I leave my work shoes in my desk drawer and wear the boots for the commute home every day. That’s how great they are.
My mother-in-law, Cathy, gave me the best winter hat. It was this Nautica Colorblock Pom Hat, and she gave it to me for Christmas this year and I lost it almost immediately. (Or Noodle ate and digested it.) Cathy, I’m sorry. That hat was so incredibly awesome. I’ve been freezing ever since. I’ve gotten by with my Cubby hat–they won the World Series last year btw–and a pair of headphones as earmuffs.
Actually, I have a third addition to my public office platform: Mittens > Gloves. The finger isn’t a strong enough heat generator to sustain itself. A solid mitten is required. I swear by these flip-top mittens, but the mitten part on my right hand got ripped off by Emma’s stroller and I don’t know how to sew it back on, so I’ve been straight chillin’ on the right hand side for about two months thank god for spring.
Do you guys have staples that you couldn’t make it through the season without?